Waiting.

You've probably read hundreds of articles bellowing about the inadequacy of the current standard of mental health services, but that's for a good reason. Around three months ago I was referred to a mindfulness course by one of the organisations who provide mental health services in Manchester. Unfortunately, this is yet to materialise and honestly, I've dealt with three different sub organisations under the heading of "self help services" and I can't remember which one it was who I was speaking to. Having undergone two separate phone assessments for different organisations acting on behalf of mental health services in Manchester just in one week, I don't feel I have the energy or patience to chase this up now. I'm currently on an extremely long waiting list for in depth psychotherapy with a clinical psychologist, things like the mindfulness course and the six week blocks of cognitive behavioural therapy are short term treatment options that can be extremely useful to bridge the gap during the extended waiting periods nearly all mental health patients experience now. This obviously only works if the treatment option is actually offered and carried out by the service provider.

Now that several different agencies offer "support" for the NHS, the incongruous and disjointed nature of experiencing treatment options such as talking therapy, mindfulness or other non drug based treatment is a common stress factor for many people in my position. I've been fighting depression for around 8 years. I've had to leave jobs, relationships have ended, I've moved to a new city and I'm attempting to start a new career. These life events are stressful in their own right, without the added confusion of dealing with inadequate mental health services who don't appear to communicate with each other very effectively. 

Like many people, I've been taking citalopram for over three years now and it's numbing effects generally do prevent me from feeling consistently suicidal or so low that I can't function. Saying that, some days are still too much of a struggle and there are days I can't get out of bed. SSRIs like citalopram generally work best when combined with effective talking therapy. I am willing to do as much of this as it takes to make me feel well again and I've had some success with private therapy in the past. Unfortunately, I haven't got much money. Several years in and out of employment due to a severe mental health condition will do that, you see. So that option is no longer available to me. I'm losing so much faith in our current system of support that where I would once have been enraged at the ineptitude of the multiple service providers and the NHS, I now feel nothing but weary acceptance of the fact that there isn't enough money to help people like me. If I didn't have my friends and family, I would be dead. It's that simple. If something doesn't change very soon, a lot more people will lose their lives to a treatable and manageable condition that we as a society are unable to cope with.