Social Media and Mental Health

Social media can be a blessing and a curse in equal measure when you have mental health problems. On one hand, the words of support and the connections you can establish with other people who suffer with similar conditions can lift your spirits enough to function for another day, saying that, the shiny, heavily edited versions of other people's lives can make you feel inadequate, isolated and as if your life is empty and boring by comparison. When I'm at my lowest, as I have been for the past couple of days, I have a tendency to spend a lot of time aimlessly scrolling through my timeline commenting on everything and anything. The sense of suspended reality is often a welcome break from the veritable shit storm of self loathing and anxiety that's in my head at the time. I'm lucky enough to have a lot of extremely understanding and supportive friends in this country and overseas, so when I do pluck up the courage to explain that I'm struggling to function, it's never very long before somebody says something kind. As trivial as it may sound, even the simplest words of encouragement give me enough of a boost in mood and self esteem that my levels of self hatred and that horrible sense of utter hopelessness dissipates enough for me to get dressed or leave the house.

One of the weirdest things about depression and anxiety is that it can attack you when you least expect it. Recently, I've been working towards making a living from freelance writing. This always seemed something of an impossible dream and after years of roles that left me unsatisfied, unduly stressed and like I truly didn't belong, I have finally managed to secure something that I can do from home for a wage that I can live on. You would imagine id be extremely happy and usually, you'd be right. Unfortunately, over the past couple of days all my brain could throw up at me was "what if it all goes wrong?" That sense of seemingly inevitable disaster hangs over everything I do. My medication quells it a little bit as does talking things out with therapists and friends/family. Unfortunately, the last few days have felt almost impossible and if it weren't for the kind words on Facebook and Twitter to remind me that I'm not some kind of friendless, hopeless loser as my brain insisted on telling me, I'm not sure I would be functioning now.

The other side of social media is pretty dark. This unreality masquerading as real life has changed the way we think and interact. Many people never mention the less positive aspects of life, the fact that social events always contain good and bad elements or that the anticipation of an event is often equal to or better than the event itself. If we believed the Facebook version of our lives, we would be constantly smiling in a sea of blissful joy, but we're not. Nobody is. The reality of life is that we have moments of happiness and moments of sadness, that happens to everybody, whether you have mental health problems or not. When you feel at your lowest, scrolling through a timeline full of relentless positivity and occasionally boastful status updates can be difficult and damaging to your wellbeing.

Like everything, balance seems to be key but is often difficult to find. I'll never be one of those people who shuns technology in favour of a purely organic lifestyle. I enjoy computer games, online discussions and other forms of digital entertainment too much. I also enjoy being outside now and then, I've even climbed mountains for fun on occasion. I do enjoy the break from digital reality that being outdoors and away from a screen can provide. It's not conscious but something about removing yourself from your usual environment allows you to think differently. Perhaps there is something to be said for engaging with things that don't involve staying indoors... Saying that, the discomfort of camping outweighs the pleasure for me, so give me a decent bnb after scrambling about in the hills and I'm golden. The disconnection from modern life that periods away from social media provides can be useful in that it allows you to interact with other people on a face to face basis without filters or augmented versions of a certain reality. Work, social life and my other interests do require an Internet connection, though, so the idea of living without one makes me feel extremely uncomfortable for obvious reasons.

The point here is that social media and other forms of screen based distractions can stop us from actually feeling or acknowledging what we are really going though. It's far easier to get lost in a Vice article or a poll about whether or not David Cameron should resign than it is to sit for ten minutes and actually allow yourself to feel what you're really feeling, then make a plan to cope with it. The fact is, when I do allow myself to stop and experience my thoughts and feelings without distractions, they are mostly very unpleasant. This is the point that I try to do something about the situation. Challenging the negative thoughts as they happen can be helpful if you're feeling strong enough that day but if yore not, a few kind words from a friend overseas or one in a different city can be enough to get me through. One of the warning signs I have learned to identify is spending hours on social media procrastinating rather than doing anything of value. Invariably, when I do sit for ten minutes after periods like this, the overwhelming emotion I feel is fear. Not about anything in particular, just a huge, crippling sense of anxiety that makes me sick to my stomach. Sometimes it passes, sometimes I can talk it out or reason with myself, other times I feel defeated by it and explain as much in a tweet or status update. I don't have any solutions other than recognising patterns of behaviour, trying to act on them and also trying to achieve a balance between living online and in the physical world.

As always, this post was written in one go (on a bus as it happens) so I hope it makes sense. Thanks for all the positive feedback people have given me and if you do suffer with mental health problems, I wish you the strength to carry on for another day.